4.2- The ‘Addictive’ Leader
🌱 How This Activity Helps Women Psychospiritual Leaders:
The following activity also uses storytelling and symbolism to help women in leadership gently explore their shadow self. In this fourth part of the Women in Leadership course, we are exploring the addictive shadow self the hidden part of women leaders’ psyche that seeks relief, control, or escape through compulsive habits or emotional over-functioning.
In the following story, Sera appears outwardly strong, accomplished, and in control yet inwardly, she is disconnected, restless, and unknowingly reliant on quick fixes (coffee, wine, work, screens) to manage unacknowledged pain or emptiness. Her dream of “The Dark Room” symbolises the unconscious emotional space she’s been avoiding a place where unmet needs, suppressed feelings, and spiritual exhaustion dwell.
For women in leadership, this narrative may resonate deeply. Many are taught to push through, to give endlessly, and to keep up appearances while secretly numbing or coping in subtle ways. These patterns, rooted in past wounds or cultural conditioning, form part of the addictive shadow: not just about substances or behaviours, but about how we distract ourselves from discomfort, disconnection, or the fear of not being enough.
THE ACTIVITY:
Read the following story, then answer the questions at the end:
The Dark Room
There was once a woman named Sera, known in her field for her drive, brilliance, and unshakable composure. On the surface, she was a successful leader always one step ahead, always achieving. Yet behind the accolades and polished image, Sera held a secret: her energy was fuelled by something she couldn’t quite name. Coffee through the day, wine at night. Long hours of work to silence the noise inside. Scroll, scroll, scroll always searching, never resting.
One night, Sera found herself dreaming of a room at the end of a long hallway. It was cold, windowless, and dimly lit by a flickering lightbulb. On the door was a plaque etched with the words: “The Dark Room.”
Inside, she saw herself another version of her surrounded by glowing screens, empty cups, unread books, and unfinished ideas. This version of Sera looked tired, frantic, and strangely hollow. She clutched a mask labelled “I’m fine.”
Then, in the corner of the room, two familiar figures appeared: a Frog and a Scorpion.
The Frog whispered, “You care so much for others that you forget your own boundaries. You numb to survive.”
The Scorpion added, “You push, control, overwork not out of strength, but out of fear of falling apart.”
Sera tried to look away, but the mirror on the wall reflected it all: the over-caring, the over-controlling, the relentless striving. Her leadership, she realised, had become a performance driven by the shadows of exhaustion, avoidance, and inner emptiness.
Suddenly, the walls of the Dark Room began to soften. A window appeared, letting in the first sliver of dawn. The Frog and the Scorpion stepped aside as Sera opened the window and took a breath deep, long, and unfamiliar.
In that breath, she saw a new path: one where leadership wasn’t about pushing through pain, but about facing it with presence. One where she could trade addictive habits for conscious choices. One where the dark was not a place to hide but a place to heal.From that day on, Sera began to lead differently. Not perfectly, but more honestly. She learned to rest. To ask for help. To recognise when her shadow was steering. She stepped out of the Dark Room and into her true self not just as a leader of others, but as a leader of her own life. And in doing so, she discovered that healing wasn’t weakness it was the deepest kind of power
🌑 Reflection Questions on the Addictive Shadow and Leadership:
- What might your personal “Dark Room” look like?
What habits, behaviours, or distractions do you turn to when you’re overwhelmed? - In what ways does your leadership performance sometimes mask your internal exhaustion or emotional needs?
- When do your Frog and Scorpion shadows appear in your romantic or leadership life?
Are you more likely to over-care or over-control? - What “addictive” patterns (e.g., workaholism, approval-seeking, avoidance) have shaped your leadership story?
- What small window like Sera’s might be opening for you now?
What would it take to walk toward healing rather than hiding? - What would it mean to lead yourself not just others with presence, care, and inner honesty?
- If you could rewrite your leadership story today, what title would this new chapter have?